"If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."
To be Understood is the Real Pursuit of Happiness.
I didn’t really know where to start in terms of my first piece of writing since college. To be fair, college writing courses weren’t structured in the way that I want to write. There’s nothing in the classroom that can match a person’s true intent through their choice of words. If you gave me something to write about, I’ll do it, but it may not necessarily be what I want to write about. Anyone can write about anything if you tell them to, plain and simple. Some will be better than others, some will suffer miserably. The only thing that can push a person to write is pure motivation, which I’ve been lacking for a while now to be completely honest. In the past I could write on command. Nothing really stopped me. Inspiration was never hard to find since it was a part of my everyday life. But people change a little, I’ve changed a little. The old me is somewhere inside me still, it’s just not as visible as it used to be. It’s not a good thing, it’s not a bad thing, it just is. That’s why I decided to use a quote from a Spanish writer to get my train of thought going.
"Asusta pensar que acaso las admiraciones más sinceras que tenemos son las de las personas que no nos han comprendido." - Benito Pérez Galdós
This roughly translates to “It’s frightening to think that maybe the people that admire us (or know us) most sincerely are those that have not understood us.”
I think being understood as a person might be the hardest thing to ever accomplish. From family members to close friends and acquaintances, no one will ever understand you like you understand yourself. That’s just the reality of it. The problem that arises because of this is that we’re all human and we want other humans to understand us. Or at least that’s what I believe. There’s that longing to be understood by at least one other person completely that always lingers in the back of my mind. I think this is the reason why I’m so indecisive and can’t truly figure shit out right now. There are things that I know that I want (just like everyone else) that always circulates through my head. Good company, good health, a good job, etc. These are just simple things, and who wouldn’t want these things? But then there comes that little bit of doubt that creeps up. And I don’t care who you are, or how much you believe in yourself (and trust me, I believe in myself), there’s always a small dose of doubt somewhere in your body. It’s an inevitable part of life. But that son of a bitch can do horrible wonders to a person. “Do I really want this job?” “Should I go out tonight?” “Did I do well enough in that interview?” “Am I really a good person?” “Should I keep pursuing this girl?” “Is this even worth it?” We’ve all gone through it, and I’ll admit that I struggle with this literally everyday. I’d be lying if I say I didn’t.
So, how does this relate back to being understood? The way I see it, having someone that can understand you would help these doubts literally fuck off. Family and friends are probably what anyone would look towards when they want to talk to someone; those are the obvious choices. But as much as these people may know you well, I really think there’s a person out there who just gets you, period. Of course there could be some obstacles in the way, that’s normal. Maybe that person isn’t ready to open up. Maybe that person hasn’t come into your life yet. Maybe you haven’t realized you’ve met that person. Maybe they have different interests at the time. Maybe it’s something else. But one thing I believe I can say with confidence is that being understood is really happiness in disguise. In the end, we all have a certain amount of crazy in us, and there’s someone who’s just as crazy, so to speak.
"Some people underestimate how erotic it is to be understood." - Mary Rakow.
Or maybe I’m just talking out of my ass. It wouldn’t be the first time, and it’s certainly not my last. Just take what I have here as it is. Agree, disagree, whatever. Besides, who’s really going to read this anyway?
I feel like I’m always the last one to fall asleep no matter where I am or who I’m with…probably should transfer these thoughts when I wake up. Nothing like trying to sleep to keep you awake. Ain’t that some shit.